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THE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER OF CLIFTONVILLE HOCKEY CLUB

 RESULTS, SATURDAY 3^rd FEBRUARY 2001

THIS WEEK, SATURDAY 10^th FEBRUARY 2001

FORTHCOMING MATCHES, SATURDAY 17^th FEBRUARY 2001

CLUB HOUSE DUTY = THE LADIES

DATES FOR THE DIARY

Club Supper – Saturday 24^th February
Club Dinner Dance – 31^st March 2001

No Bonus Ball Winner

Club Lottery Numbers: 13 17 22 27 36 41

Match Reports

Ladies vs. R&G, won 3-0

It was nice to see the ladies in winning form again. It didn't look too convincing we were going to win, when after dominating the first half we were 0-0 at half time. Luckily we got a bit of luck (Luck, for a Ville team - it's as rare as hens teeth), and a R&G defender deflected one of our shots neatly into the goal. So 1-0, the tables turned. We then got awarded a PF after a back of stick stop on the line by a R&G defender, which went in, was not played as an advantage. So up stepped Cath and slotted it away. We then attacked loads and played some nice hockey, missed a few sitters, yours truly missing 2 sitters, so I am now resigned to being a spinster for my remaining years. Claire had an interesting game - she is very versatile thought, being put up front this week and 2 weeks ago she was sweeper and when she's not sweeper she's in goal. Cobby had another good one, being the ladies version of the 1st XI's Mr. Utility. She was very vocal, mostly mocking at her fellow players, but encouraging on the odd occasion. Goal 3 came from a very cool headed Liz, who decided not to knock the ball all the way to Neasden, but to calmly beat the keeper and slot it gently into the goal. Heather and Sharon (none shall pass) had blinders, and big thanks and appreciation to the ladies who rolled on and off as we had 12 this week - again, as rare as hens teeth. A very special mention to Julie Charnely in goal, who although didn't get her £5 worth, made the timely saves, all 2 of them, I think. I guess Julie will be enthusiastically handing out the Newsletters at the Clubhouse this week?

Thanks to Nick Alder for umpiring and to Sarah for keeping cool after some verbal she got telling her to shut-up.

Big commiseration’s to the 4th XL who I hear were cheated of their league title and well done to the Men's 2nd XI for winning their league.

Finally, thanks to Chris Burton for my new shirt and Sarah for getting it numbered.

Finally, finally, I'd like to say hello to anyone who knows me...

The midfielder who has finally lost it - MISS Tracy Parsons (Mrs. Stubby)

1^st XI vs. Burnt Ash, lost 6-0

A scoreline which definitely does not reflect the game in any fashion, Ville were more than evenly battling with the league leaders for fifty minutes, and yet still found themselves 3-0 down. Unfortunately the last twenty minutes were one way traffic.

I haven’t felt this depressed about sport since Neasden Town beat Queens Park Rangers in the third round of the Brentford Nylons sponsored 1971 FA Cup!

Floppy

2^nd XI vs. Deal, won 2 – 0

We approached the last league game of the season with a heavy heart after the disappointment of the Sutton Valance result. Although we were top of the league, equal with Old Willies they had a vastly superior goal difference and were playing University of Kent who are the second from bottom team. We either needed them to draw or lose with the students or us top score 16 goals against Deal.

We started the game poorly and got progressively worse as the first half progressed. We couldn’t pass, tackle, shoot, move or stop anything, and its fair to say that Deal was the better side. Admittedly with a few ringers they moved the ball well and created more chances than we did.

At half time Captain Algy issued forth with a directive to pull our socks up and to play with pride and passion. He mentioned the story of the Armenian tiddley-winks team and their performance at last years Neasdon championships where they snatched the amateur cup at the death from the mighty Tobago Tiddlers. This inspired the team and we started to make head-roads into the Deal defence. After some useful interplay a corner was won and after some skilful movement of the ball “Rent Boy” had his flick on goal stopped on the line by a foot. Penalty flick ensued and Rob Burton scored.

5 Minutes later Adam Kalifa had a cross / shot go in and victory was ours.

We than waited for the Old Willies result and bugger me they only managed to draw with the wonderful students. So at 19.30 on Tuesday 6 February we are league champions. Until things are confirmed by the league we will have to wait and see where we go next season but bring on the Malcolm Batchelor Trophy, I feel the double coming on!

Finally as my role of unofficial VC and team match report writer can I say well done to the team and those who have stepped in to cover when needed.

A very happy Sea Cucumber

3^rd XI vs. Cobdown, won 2-0

10.00am          Wake up feeling somewhat the worse for… the night before.  My head pounds like many feet walking down Neasden High Street on a Saturday afternoon.

11.00am          Struggle to St Lawrence to watch our 4s fight Herne Bay (literally).  Starting to feel more with it.

12.45pm          After a spot of lunch (a sandwich from the Broadway garage don’t y’know…) I arrive at the clubhouse with Rob Macer whom I picked up and Michael KnelL whom I thought Gary was meant to be collecting.  I have left Adam Strickett at the side of the road, still waiting for Gary.

13.10pm          Still no sign of Gary.  With a 14.15 start on grass at Cobdown (near Maidstone) I send the other cars off, with instructions of where the hell Cobdown actually is.  I’m the only one present who seems to know.

13.27pm          42 minutes after the planned time of departure Gary shows, as calm as a… Pornstar.  We race off.  The adrenaline and food seems to have cured my hangover.  We arrive just after 14.00 to find Cobdown nowhere near ready to start.  Panic over!

14.21pm          Gary wanders out of the changing room fag in mouth.  I tell him that he is umpiring the first half.  (Many thanks vice-captain!) We haven’t won at Cobdown for 5 years, since I became captain. 

14.23pm          I decide to opt for an ‘unorthodox 3-6-1 formation’ in the first half.  Rob Garnier is the lone forward as we attempt to play a long ball game while trying to avoid conceding.  The plan works well as there is no score at half time and Cobdown are clearly becoming frustrated by the Cobdown-esque tactics.

15.10pm          The second half begins brightly we switch them to a 3-4-3 formation, allowing PORNO (GARY once on pitch) to take charge in midfield.  Despite being reduced to 10 men for 15 minutes, right-half Adam Strickett being first harshly yellow-carded for being attacked and then on returning being struck in the face by an opponent’s stick, we are in charge.

15.30pm          It comes as little surprise when PORNO scores the opening goal, firing from the edge of the D.  This follows good work from KRISS TUPPER and others.

15.31pm          Cobdown push forward and have a couple of chances but to no avail.  MORGAN is seen diving again… more than once!

15.40pm          A half-chance is cleared by Rob Macer firing the ball to Ed Foster (out of position) who in turn finds left-wing Michael Knell who rounds the ‘keeper (or something) to score with…. ease? Skill?  Luck?  Never mind.  Victory is ours!  Many thanks to MARK KEENAGH for umpiring the second half.  Too hard to pick a man of the match as everyone had their moments.  So there.

Team:              D. Morgan (c), R. Macer, G. Ingoldsby, E. Foster, G.Howard, A. Strickett, G. Daniel, K. Tupper, M. Keenagh, R. Garnier, M. Knell, H. James

NB                   All timings are approximate.  

Spanky

Senators vs. Reigate Vets, lost 3-0

In the clear late-afternoon sky the bright winter sun fires dying rays between the school buildings, turning patches of the astro-turf pitch into brilliant green.  A player in a red quartered shirt has the ball on the end of his stick.  He weaves between players, stick and ball seeming like one.  They are fused, stick and ball, in a blur until suddenly he releases the ball, which flies with a whisper across a darker sunless patch of the green carpet, never leaving contact with the surface.  Another red-quartered player collects it and repeats the magic, before in turn gliding the white ball at dazzling speed to the next player, and the next, and the next.  From half way line, to right wing, back to the mid-field, across to the left, to the opposition sixteen, to the line on the edge of the “D”, to the back of the “D”.  Pass, pass, push, flick, and feint.  The opposition are mesmerised, demoralised and defeated before the defeat.  Then comes the final pass followed by the superbly timed hit.  Only the bulge in the top of the net confirms the power and finality of this sublime shot.  As the centre forward turns and in slow motion, raises a fist to the dying sun, the whistle blows…

…and the Reigate 1^st XI leave the pitch and the Senators amble on, clad in the usual array of woolly hats, knee pads, gloves and, but not visible, hearing aids, false teeth and incontinence pads.  Leading this happy band is today’s honorary vet, Jon Lambert.  No one notices that he is not qualified by age.

Another league match against another top team.  The Senators have clawed the points back from minus five to minus two, or is it minus three.  No one can remember.  “Who are we playing today?” asks the Doc.

“No idea,” replies Berty, our captain. 

Fortunately we have no forwards today (sorry Berty, Bats and Ray, but you know what I mean), so we just defend, and defend, and defend.  At half time the score is 0-0.  Goach gives the usual team talk while everyone else concentrates on whether or not they should make a trip to the loo or can they hang on to the end. 

I think we in let three in the second half, but I could be wrong.  Was it four?  The sun had gone in by then so it could have been ten.  I was up the other end throughout and never saw a thing.  Anyway, we were all agreed that in view of the opposition it was as good as a victory and went off to celebrate – as we do every week.

The following resolution was carried unanimously in the bar after the game: It was agreed that if Jon Lambert had not eaten burgers and chips and drunk two pints of beer before the game, the score could more than likely have been held to 0-2.  It was further agreed that the fact that he had already played a game was irrelevant, but above all it was agreed that the absolute skill, courage and shear guts of Gary Tupper in goal kept the final score down to a respectable level – helped by his fluorescent pads.

The Old Codger

Court and Social

Congratulations to the 2^nd XI on winning the league title!