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THE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER OF CLIFTONVILLE HOCKEY CLUB

RESULTS, SATURDAY 13^th JANUARY

 THIS WEEK, SATURDAY 20^th JANUARY

 FORTHCOMING MATCHES, SATURDAY 27^th JANUARY

CLUB HOUSE DUTY = THE 2^nd XI

DATES FOR THE DIARY

Cliftonville vs. Yateley (HA Vase) - Sunday 21^st January
Club Supper – Saturday 24^th February
Club Dinner Dance – 31^st March 2001

Match Reports

Ladies vs. Canterbury, lost 10-2  (6^Th January 2001)
All I can say is we scored the first goal and then the third. After that although we did not disgrace ourselves it is fair to say Canterbury were faster, younger (only by a few months) fitter and probably more serious than we were. We will say no more apart from they won.

Ladies vs. Crackenford, won 2 - 0
We won! With only 10 players. It wasn’t a mind-blowing game but we won!

Many thanks to Steve B and Chris Tupper for umpiring. Excellent job gents.

Jackie Bakers lived up to all expectations, it was very cold and windy, especially around Mr. Burton. Liz scored our first goal, no doubt assisted by Cobby who was on poaching duty. Rachael followed up with a second and final goal although Sarah tried to claim one from outside the “D”. The opposition tried the same trick in the second half but Mr. Burton was on the ball and disallowed the goal. Final score 2-0

Well played everybody especially Catherine who ran her socks off attacking and defending. Keep up the good work, it will mean less for Cobby.

Heather “Barking” Lewis

1^st XI vs. New Beccs, won 3-1
At last a win. In a real “six pointer” the 1’s emerged victorious thanks to two goals from Tim Elmore and a solo effort from Mr. Utility Andy Dunn, fresh on the day of a game for once. Unfortunately the skipper remembers little else due to nerves at actually finding the team in a winning position and trying to ensure that it remained that way. Perhaps a week spent in The Neasden Health Spa will help.
Floppy

2^nd XI vs. New Becs., Won 4 – 3
Well, well, well, our first game of hockey as a team since 2 December and away to HSBC. Missing a few of our regulars we were superbly supported by messers Westby, Ballard (the Elder), Cain and Garnier. And a fine result was achieved.

Some say that the result is more important than the journey it takes to get there. I recall reading how the great English philosopher, John Stuart Mill said at his speech to the Neasdon Masonic Lodge how it is important to achieve ones goals and to strive to get attainment of individual aspirations.  Buddhists however say that the path to enlightenment is what we should care about, but on Saturday shoddy passing, poor defending, fine goal keeping and poor finishing blocked the path. That aside we achieved out Saturday afternoon Nirvana.

On a less philosophical note it is worth commenting on Roddy and the case of the run away cruise control and the man on a bridge with a hair dryer. I won’t embarrass Roddy by telling the tail but carpets were involved.

If you want to hear more about this interesting case just ask and I will tell all.

Finally James Foot, Simon Ballard, David Cain and Rob Garnier who scored the goals achieved Maslow’s self-actualization.
Sea Cucumber

3^rd XI vs. Old Bordenians, won 2-1
We returned to winning ways with a hard-fought encounter against our perennial (good word, eh?) rivals Old Bordenians.  Fielding an unfamiliar line-up we dominated the opening ten minutes, but were unable to put the final touches to a number of moves.  In fact our dominance led to a number of players becoming over-confident and trying to do too much (no names AK and NW!).  The result was a goal against the run of play for the visitors, our goalkeeper and captain being wrong-footed by a defensive slip.  This was probably helpful to us as it caused us to work harder to regain our control of the game.  However, we were unable to level before half-time.

Captain Morgan and vice-skipper Ingoldsby made a number of positional changes at half-time, but it was a rash challenge from midfielder Adam Kalifa which turned the game.  Adam was yellow-carded 5 minutes or so into the second half.  It was during the next 10 minutes that we produced arguably our best hockey of the match, but still could not get the equaliser. Adam’s return and MARK KEENAGH’S head injury coincided with the best move of the match as right winger Kriss Tupper broke down the right-hand side and delivered a cross for Adam ‘ I can’t stop scoring ffnar missus’ Strickett to score from close range.  Within 5 minutes our total dominance culminated in the (extremely odd-looking) winner as a shot from Nick Waite spun into the empty goal despite the attempts of the keeper and last defender to keep it out….  Was it an own goal.  Opinions are divided.  My casting vote gives it to Nick.  We weren’t threatened further and had a number of chances to score another before the final whistle ended a gritty encounter.  Man of the match (another in an occasional series, i.e. when I can be bothered) ROB MACER, probably.

Special mention to PORNO INGOLDSBY… my new centre-back (!)  A mixed game, some excellent tackling, but the 16s?  Most of them flying at head-height!  Why?  How?  At least it gave Old Bords a few more chances…

Many thanks to Steve ‘Chewie’ Burton for umpiring.

Team:            Morgan; Macer, Ingoldsby, Redman, Martin, Kalifa, Winter, Manning, Strickett, Keenagh, Tupper, Waite.

Spanky

5^TH XI vs. Burnt Ash, won 5-1
They were, well they were not good, but they could have and have in the past caused us some aggravation. This time we were at them, we were aggressive not letting them settle denying them possession it was not pretty but it gave us the game. Four goals without reply from Richard Ash, George Thorley, Seth Simmonds and Andy Kingston in the first half. These goals coming despite us not really attacking the circle or using our skill to run straight at the opposition. In the second half we were much better the Burnt Ash goal was peppered their keeper found his form it did not go in, Seth Simmonds in particular being denied. Then they scored a bit of a soft goal we still attacked camped out in their circle I believe the phrase is, then at last John Carr managed to squeeze the ball in by the post. It’s a funny old game!

Team: Mark Keenagh, Richard Ash, Graham Van De Merwe, Rob Kirby, David Williamson, Jason Jackson, Andy Kingston, John Carr, Phil Joy, Chris Havenden, Seth Simmonds and George Thorley

Umpire Robin Fleet

John Carr

Court and Social

Imagine the situation, 9.25 am and you get a call from a key member of your team saying that his car is buggered and he needs collecting so he does not miss the 9.30am meet to go away to HSBC.

Being a true team player we nip over to Cliftonville to collect the poor unfortunate sole. There he is messing around his Mazda MX6 moaning about bloody cars and their unreliability. We then have a conversation that goes like this

Me “ What’s wrong?”

Him “Every time I start the car the engine revs up to 8000 rpm and sticks there”.

Me “Oh er”.

Him “I think it’s the cruise control causing the throttle to stick open. It’s happened before in America, apparently Ford make the cruse for this car and its killed people in the States”.

Me “Oh er, lets see”.

Him “Ok”.

Car starts, much revs.

Me “Look? It appears that the floor mat is pushing the accelerator to the floor”.

Him “Oh er”.

Me “Look, if I move mat away from accelerator the revs reduce to normal”.

Him “Oh er, I was going to call the RAC!”.

Me “Oh bugger why didn’t I let him make a fool of himself?”.

You task is to identify what recently returned second team player drives a MX6 and lives in Cliftonville.    Answers on a post card to the newsletter mystery competition.